So my question to you, Bruins fans, is where the fuck is Milan Lucic? Jesus Christ. The guy hasn’t scored a goal in a regular season game since March 22, 2011 against the Devils. That was goal number 30. Remember that? Bruins everywhere had a fucking black and gold sportsgasm because he scored 30 goals. Actually, he scored 25 because 5 of those goals were empty net goals, but I digress. 30 goals baby! No one has scored 30 goals in...3 years! OMG! That’s right kids. Before most of you even cared about the Bruins, Phil Kessel scored 36 goals in the 2008-2009 season.
You remember that season right? The Bruins ran through the Eastern Conference, then puked on their CCMs and got sucker punched by the Hurricanes in the second round of the playoffs. A young Milan Lucic was dubbed the “Second Coming of Cam Neely” because he could fight and score 17 goals. Well hot dog!
Then the typical Boston overreaction happened. Everyone came out of the woodwork talking about how awesome Milan Lucic was. The Lucic Fight Club t-shirts started popping up everywhere. People were tweeting Mike Komisarek pictures of Milan Lucic having his balls on a shelf. Lucic had such a cult following in Boston that no one could see what he really is. All they cared about was the fights. Remember when Lucic put Mike Van Ryn through the glass at the Garden? Holy shit, I thought everyone was going to explode. LUCIC PUT SOMEONE THROUGH THE GLASS! Oh how my heart swooned for him that day. Fucking Christ.
Now what’s Lucic doing? Nothing. He disappeared when Boston needed him most in the playoffs and people started using the “he must be hurt” excuse. I hope when I suck at my job, my clients start blogging about how “I must be hurt” because I’m not living up to the expectations set forth by the contract I signed. Maybe I can get my brother to write a 1,000 word post to my wife about how “I must be hurt” because I don’t feel like taking out the trash tonight.
Maybe I’m wrong (which is possible). Maybe Lucic actually WAS hurt, but that’s surprising since it’s a Boston tradition to run down all the injuries as excuses to why they lose every year. Oh that’s right, we won the Stanley Cup. Oh wait, Lucic did have a broken toe during the playoffs. So I guess a broken toe is a great excuse for scoring 5 goals in 25 games after scoring 30 in 79 during the regular season? I’m not buying it. Tons of guys have injuries when the playoffs come around like a street walker looking for her crack fix. Using them as excuse for poor play is just...insulting. I’ve already heard the “Lucic might be hurt” crowd. ALREADY! We’re four games into the fucking regular season and people are already making excuses for him! Hey, maybe his toe is still broken. I wasn’t able to tell in the offseason though because he was to busy partying at Foxwoods, hanging around in Vancouver and standing on street corners in Boston holding his girlfriend’s shoe screaming “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM” in an Incredible Hulk-like manner.
Oh, there's more...
So now that we’re four games into the regular season, Lucic has 1 assist, 2 penalty minutes and a plus/minus of -1. He also has zero goals...on 9 shots. This is what I look for in my “franchise power forward”. I look for someone who can’t put the puck in the net. I know one of my lovely readers will say “Hey guy, it’s been four games”, but has Lucic looked good in any of these four games? From my eyes...nope. Sure, he had a good rush last night against Carolina. You know, that winless team before last night’s game against Boston. Sure, he had a great scoring chance that he couldn’t produce on (how many times have you heard that since March 22, 2011). Where was he against Colorado? You remember the Avalanche right? Before Monday afternoon’s game, they haven’t even scored a fucking goal on the season but they shut out the Bruins! I say lets continue to pay Lucic a little over $4M a season because he’s definitely worth it! Those Lucic Fight Club t-shirts aren’t going to sell themselves man! I told Justin that I hope Milan Lucic actually reads this and gets so pissed off at me that he scores 40 goals and writes a letter telling me to go fuck myself. That will be an achievement because he surely can’t be worse then what he’s “producing” now.
It’s not just Lucic either. Nathan Horton looks like he needs Google Maps to find his way around the ice. He’s so lost out there. His stat line is virtually the same has Lucic’s. 1 assist, -1 and 4 shots. 4 shots for your starting winger. Oh look at that salary...$4M a season! No wonder him and Lucic have such a strong bromance for one another! They’re the exact same, only Horton has a legit excuse; Aaron Rome scrambled his brains during the Stanley Cup Finals. Good thing $8M can buy you two assists through four games....
- Random Thoughts -
- Happy Birthday to my buddy Sarah. She’s always been good to us here at Days of Y’Orr and we try to return the favor whenever possible. We love our #thereal19. Check out her blog over at Gong Show Gear.
- If you didn’t watch the game last night, Adam McQuaid gave himself a self-induced head injury and crawled to the crease. Quaider then tried to tie up Ference’s stick like he was a Hurricanes’ player. It’s always painful to watch something like this happen, but even more painful when it happens to someone like McQuaid. Here’s the video:
I hope it's not serious, but he spent the third period in the Quiet Room. Either way, expect Matt Bartowski (who grew up in Pittsburgh) Saturday against the Blackhawks.
That's about it for this week. Remember folks, keep screaming at the sky!