Roberto Luongo is that kid. He's the kid who we all grew up with, the one in class who screams at the teacher to get attention. The one who shows up to parties uninvited and then proceeds to drink a jar of pickle juice to be cool. The one who is obnoxious because he wants all eyes on him. Yeah, Luongo is that kid. I can't say I'm surprised however. When you look like a greasier version of Borat's cousin, people are bound to put you down a long the way. I would say it has to do with the fact that Luongo falls to pressure quicker than a Japanese building in an Earthquake or Arnold's zipper when the help comes walking through.

It's pretty evident that Roberto Luongo, and by extension the Vancouver Canucks as a whole, are just attention whores who are seeking the approval of not only the league but...{hold for dramatic pause}...THE WORLD! After Game 5, Luongo went to the media and said this.

"It's not hard if you're playing in the paint. It's an easy save for me, but if you're wandering out and aggressive like he does, that's going to happen. He might make some saves that I won't, but in a case like that, we want to take advantage of a bounce like that and make sure we're in a good position to bury those."

Interesting. What's even more interesting is that Luongo made this statement after giving up 12 goals in Boston. Yes. 12. I didn't hear him running his mouth then. I didn't hear the Charlie Brown teacher noise coming out of his mouth when he was run in Game 4 and sat on the bench like a sad panda. No, it was only after Luongo posted a shutout that he decided to tell everyone how a Vezina winning goaltender should be playing. It's like losing 99 games to your older brother in Sega (yes, Sega) and then winning game number 100 and saying "wow bro, you suck."

It didn't end with Luongo telling Thomas how he should be playing either. Luongo then spewed this wonderful mess: "been pumping his tires ever since the series started. I haven't heard one nice thing he's had to say about me, so that's the way it is."


Ugh! So now Lulu is telling everyone that Thomas hasn't said anything nice about him? Sorry Lulu, Thomas doesn't need to say shit about your play. This isn't a hand kissing contest. It's the Stanley Cup Finals. If Luongo wants Thomas to say something nice about him, maybe he should invite him over for tea or whatever the hell they drink in North Seattle. Maybe then Thomas will say "the tea was fantastic Robbie" and Luongo can go back and pump out some knuckle children over his Thomas shrine. End the day off right, right?

Now Luongo has to go into enemy territory and face a seething Boston crowd that would rather dunk their heads in an acid bath than see him or Lavern and Shirley hoist the Cup in their home rink. I mentioned it earlier, but I think it's worth another go around. Last time Lulu playing in Boston he was 0-2 and game up 12 goals. Oh, I forgot to tell you that he was pulled too. So what gives him the right to speak about Thomas' positioning or Thomas not pumping up his ego?

No idea.

Maybe it's time for Thomas to say something about Luongo. Something like "Yeah he's good" just so he'll shut the fuck up. Personally, I'd love for Thomas to do it while he's hoisting the Cup above his head. Nothing says "eat my dick" like lifting the Cup above your head and complimenting the guy you just beat. 

So Luongo, please keep telling Thomas how to play the position he dominated all season. I'm sure he wants your input while he's cuddled with his Vezina.

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Friday we presented to you all Tim Thomas's Greatest Hits: Volume 1. Well, apparently we missed a couple of classic Timmy hitting moments, so we've created this FREE bonus disc.

Thomas tryouts for the New England Patriots
Thanks to @BHockey77 for pointing it out to us. This is in the update Volume 1 edition but just incase you missed it here it is again.Thomas launches himself at Blake. 


Chef Thomas serves up a waffle breakfast to Chimera
From AdamBruinsFan. First a karate chop, then an uppercut, then more waffle sandwhiches for Chimera.


We can't find video of it but supposidly Thomas went after Vanek a few years back. If anyone has video of that, let us know.

The secret behind Timmy's physical prowress? MMA...
While searching for more Thomas hit videos we stumbled across the interview from The Fight Network. Apparently Thomas is a big fan of MMA fighting.



Explains so much.

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Wow. LOLongo gives up 12 goals in two games and says nothing. Then he gets a shutout and all of a sudden is feeling cocky and chirpy.


"It's not hard if you're playing in the paint. It's an easy save for me, but if you're wandering out and aggressive like he does, that's going to happen. He might make some saves that I won't, but in a case like that, we want to take advantage of a bounce like that and make sure we're in a good position to bury those."

Clearly someone's still butt hurt from the Games 3 & 4 raping.

Maybe LOLongo can go write another emo poem about it. What a baby.

Despite earning the rage of Boston fans which I'm sure LOLongo couldn't care less about, this wasn't a wise move. He just gave Boston bulletin board material. Timmy -- who's been on fire this series -- will now have extra motivation. And the team's going to want make LOLongo eat his words, too.

Vancouver can't stop poking the bear.

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I think by the time you are in the Finals, every game is a must win, but words can not describe the importance of a Game 5 with the series tied at 2-2.  The team that wins tonight will be playing for the Stanley Cup on Monday with momentum on their side.  Bruins win, then then Vancouver will have three losses in a row in the back of their minds.  Vancouver wins, then the wind will be sucked right out of the Bruins, who without a doubt have turned this series in their favor after embarrassing the Canucks two games in a row.

Thankfully, if there was ever a time to beat Vancouver at home, it'd be now.  Luongo isn't exactly a pillar of mental fortitude, and after chasing him out of the net by scoring 12 goals in 2 games, he's shaken.  Not to mention that we're in at least half of the team's heads by now.  They can't score on Thomas, and they can't get into his head.

Vancouver will keep doing what they do, take little slashes at Thomas, act like big tough guys while little Marchand and Seguin are around, but the second anyone close to their size comes over, they'll drop to the ice and suck their thumbs like the whiny babies they are.  Which is fine, we want them to do that, hasn't worked for them the past few games, and the Bruins aren't taking any of their shit.


When it's all over, win or lose, the Canucks will find a reason to cry in the arms of the NHL and suckle on their teet like a hungry newborn.  

After the jump, what's the DOY crew up to for the game?
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Somehow, in between all the crying about the Bruins being physical, the ice being slippery and the sky being blue, Vaginault finds time to bitch about Timmy coming out of his crease as well as being a physical force.

But Timmy dishing out hits like it's a give-a-way bag at a 10-year-old's birthday party isn't new.

Here in Boston we're used to Timmy laying some smackdown on bitches when called upon.

Here are Timmay's Greatest Hits. 

Let's start with the most recent ones.

Thomas retaliates to Burrows; gives him Waffle Sandwhich
After Burrows hatchet jobs the butt-end of Timmy's stick, Thomas exacts some revenge with a nice slash across Burrow's legs. Burrows doesn't like this. Sadly, he's not smart enough to realize what a horrible idea this is.





If this was the Lucic slashing LOLongo's stick out of his hands, we're sure Vaginault would've been crying over goalie interference or some bullshit. Thomas just takes matters into his own hands. Stud.



It's like America's Top 40 after the jump... the hits keep on coming. Add a comment

Before I get all in the recap like Val Venis, I would like to thank the cblog peeps for coming around. Your cheers are much appreciated. One of our readers, Garrett Breton, was last night 8 spoked salute. I met him at the Days of Y'Orr/Boston Sports Then & Now party and he's a great dude. Congrats on being on the salute and thanks for risking your life to keep guys like DOY safe. Semper Fi, Marine.

Someone should tell the Vancouver Canucks that they're in the Stanley Cup Finals. By the way they skated last night you'd think that this was game 65 and they already clinched their division. No heart, no passion, no emotion and it's not surprising. The Canucks are twats, their coach is a giant twat, their captain is a red-headed twat and their goalie is a greasy twat. Alex Burrows is an untalented twat, Tanner Glass is a goony twat and Ryan Kesler is a yapping twat. In short, the Bruins dominated the Canucks.

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, so I'd like to start my recap off with this:


Really that's the only thing you need to know. That image of Thomas giving Burrows the "Popeye's Chicken 2 piece combo" was 20 seconds or so of what Boston did to Vancouver all night. It started with Patrice Bergeron getting a cross check to the face when the puck dropped and unlike the Canucks, Patrice didn't run his mouth. He continued playing at a high level, something that the likes of Ryan Kesler hasn't done since the San Jose Sharks series.

11:59 into the game, Rich Peverley found himself on a breakaway and squeaked the puck through Luongo's greasy five hole for a 1-0 lead. The play happened because of an extra effort from David Krejci, who was able to poke the puck away from one of the Sedins while Peverley used his speed to blow past a Canucks defender and finished. Boom. Period. 1-0 Bruins.
 
Even with a 1-0 lead, the teams headed into the first intermission still in a game. The Bruins dominated the period, yes, but the Canucks were hanging around. That's all they really need to do before their offense wakes up, right? Wrong.

Enter the second period. At 11:11, Michael Ryder pulled off an eyelash and made a wish to score a goal. Wish granted. After a Canuck misplay with the puck, Tyler Seguin sent a beautiful cross ice pass to Ryder, who was streaking up the left side and fired a shot at about the left face off dot high glove side over Luongo. Beautiful man. Just beautiful.


Not to be outdone, Moshmont scored less than two minutes later. Zdeno Chara does a great job of keeping the play alive and Bergeron is doing the dirty work in the corners. Puck ends up in a great position for Marchand, who burys it. 3-0 Bruins.
 
In the third period, Rich Peverley scored his second goal of the night. {Inner Don Cherry} LISTEN UP KIDS, GOOD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU SKATE TO THE NET {/Inner Don Cherry}

Alright, that's out of the way, now time for the good stuff. The Canucks are the biggest pussies I've ever had the displeasure of watching in my life. Worst than the actual team, the fans. A hockey website I frequent is full of Canucks fans who think they're coaching the team are HORRIBLE. Anyways, fuck them. The diving from the Sedins is incredible. When the series started, I thought Vancouver was a hard working team. Boy was I wrong. They're the fucking Montreal Canadiens of the West. Shitty fans and a bunch of cry babies. Chara said it best on the bench last night.


Maybe it's not that Vancouver is playing bad but Boston is playing out of their minds good. Tim Thomas is a fucking stud. Vancouver couldn't solve him if they bought the Tim Thomas strategy guide from Gamestop for $12.99. It's a testament to how good he truly is, which is funny because no one ever gives him the respect he deserves. I'm sure Timmy is cool with that when he's sleeping next to his multiple Vezina trophies and cheating on them with the Stanley Cup. Alain Vinaigrette can complain about Thomas all he wants, but the fact of the matter is that if he was given the choice between Timmy and Borat's retarded, greasy cousin I'm sure he'd pick Thomas.


The Bruins head back to Vancouver with the series tied at 2 games a piece, but are they really tied? The first two games was a crap shoot and Vancouver luckily came away with those wins. Games three and four were a fucking beating that made Ike Turner pitch a pants tent, roll over in bed and slap the shit out of the pillow next to him for old time's sake.

Oh and fuck you Thelma and Louise.

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Huge game tonight. Understatement of the year.

Going back to Vancouver 2-2 is a big difference than going back there down 3-1. Bruins have a chance to tie this series up and really grab hold of momentum.

We'd love to see the Bruins score a quick goal. Get into LOLongo's head early.

Timmy's already in Alain Vaginault's head. He's probably in Henrik's head, too, after that monster of a check in front of his net.


Lots of crying coming from Vancouver today. Lots of excuses. Good. Make excuses.

Some Canuck tool called the Bruins bullies. Grow a pair. This is the Stanely Cup Finals, not the playground sandbox. CKNW radio host this morning described Vancouver as ballet dancers on the ice. We personally want to watch hockey, not Disney on Ice. That's just us.

It's not going to be easy though. No Horton is huge but provides a focal point for the Bruins. A rallying point around a fallen comrade.


Tonight we'll get to see the Bruins bust some ass on the ice.

More after the jump

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It's official. Alain Vigneault is a vagina.

Per WEEI:

“We’ve asked the league, obviously,” Vigneault said. “Part of Thomas’ way of playing is playing out of the blue paint, initiating contact, roaming out there. He seems to think that once he’s out, he’s set and makes the save, that he can go directly back in his net without having anybody behind him. That’s wrong. He’s got the wrong rule on that.

“If we’re behind him, then that’s our ice. We’re allowed to stay there. We’ve talked to the NHL about that. We’ve talked to the NHL about him initiating contact, like he did on Hank, and they’re aware of it. Hopefully they’re going to handle it.”

Henceforth Vigneault shall be referred to as Vaginault.



Where's the Wahbulance? Maybe Vaginault can jump in with Lindy Ruff and Tampa Bay fans. Holy shit. Grow some balls, dude.

Vaginault is just pissed Timmy Thomas can throw better clean (and legal) hits than anyone on his team. 

We're starting a "Tampons for Vaginault" pledge drive tonight at our DOY Game 4 Rally.


Boomsauce. Timmy is better than you.

Also, nice embellisment with the legs in the air.

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Thanks to Stephanie Ann for the picture!
We had so much fun hanging out with the Bruins fans and heckling Canucks fans that we're doing it again today!

Be on the lookout for us by the Orr statue holding up signs, handing out flyers, and being awesome.  We should be there between 5:30 and 7:30ish, at which time we're going to scatter to either head into the Garden for the game or try to get a seat at a bar.   Maybe I'll even stay awake for pictures this time.

If you're having a hard time seeing us, just listen for the Sami Salo jokes, they always seem to get the Vancouver fans a little testie (get it? get it?)

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From the four fools who brought you the original Unfinished Business comes it's thrilling sequel.

Detective Rex and his sidekick Patrice Purrgeron get a call from Peter Chiarelli. Lord Stanley's Cup has gone missing and there's very few clues to go on. Where is it? Who stole it? And why?

Rex, Purrgeron and the rest of the Boston Bruins Private Eye gang go on the hunt to find the Stanley Cup and bring it back where it rightfully belongs...

In Boston. 


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